A challenge either knocks us down or lifts us up, depending on our attitude.

The Paradoxical Nature of Resistance

In his wonderful book, Will I Be the Hero of My Own Live?, Swami Chetanananda refers to a Buddhist scripture from the Hevajra Tantra:  “A person rises by that by which they fall.” This saying seems contradictory until Chetanananda explains its meaning:

… any external challenge has as much potential to lift us up as it does to throw us down. In the deepest sense, it means that the same crystallized energy that represents tension, stress, pain, and suffering – when released – has the potential to uplift us powerfully and to expand our awareness….the only real difference between up and down is in our understanding of a situation and our capacity to deal with it. A challenge either knocks us down or lifts us up, depending on our attitude, our awareness, and our orientation. (1995, pp. 43-44)

This polar nature of experience is one of the great paradoxes of the Hero’s Journey. In Joseph Campbell’s monomyth, for example, all of the stages contain polar potentialities. The Threshold Guardian can enlighten or destroy. The Abyss can either consume or renew. The potentiality we evoke is determined by our attitude and awareness. The same is true in life’s journeys: the challenges and resistances we encounter can either frustrate us or support us, block us or guide us, depending on our attitude and understanding.

Our objective, then, is to cultivate a perspective that will evoke the challenge’s supportive or enlightening potential. Psychologist Kim Schneiderman suggests a simple adjustment in attitude that can accomplish this shift: view challenges not just as obstacles, but as emotional “personal trainers” who can give us valuable information about ourselves and our lives.

The antagonists who show up in our life are like our personal trainers who push us to develop our underdeveloped, flabby emotional muscles so that we can grow into the type of character who can hold more in our lives (Schneiderman, 2015a).

Emotional Personal Trainers

When we go to the gym, we have a goal: to run a marathon or to regain our strength and flexibility. We also know that we will have to work hard to correct the physical limitations and weaknesses that are keeping us from our goal. But we need direction, so we enlist the help of a personal trainer. The trainer listens to our goal, evaluates our current state of fitness, and plans a training regime to build the strength we need to succeed. If our posture is poor, the trainer will suggest exercises to strengthen our core and back. If our legs are weak, the trainer will prescribe workouts to strengthen the muscles and tissues in our legs.

In life’s journeys, challenges—our antagonists—can serve the same purpose for our psychological and emotional fitness. They can:

1. make us aware of weaknesses and limitations in our self-concept or in our approach to life,

2. help us determine what is really important in our lives, and

3. through their opposition, suggest the “training” we need to solve the problems.

In her book Step Out of Your Story (2015b), Schneiderman illustrates this concept with an example of a man who has lost his job and is out of work. The man should look at his unemployment (the antagonist) as a “necessary force that is pushing” him to identify and resolve his main conflict. For example, he might be uncertain about his career choice, and his indecisiveness is preventing him from going forward. Or he might tend to give up to easily, so one or two rejections causes him to quit trying. He might lack the knowledge, skills or experience to pursue the career he really wants.

His antagonist—unemployment—encourages him to identify his weaknesses or limitations. Once the problem is identified, he will begin to see possibilities for resolving the problem. His time between jobs is no longer a burden, but an opportunity for reflection, self-evaluation and planning. Thus, when looks at his challenge/antagonist as a personal trainer who is evaluating his situation and suggesting a course of training, his perspective on the challenge changes completely.

If he is uncertain about a career, the unemployment antagonist is pushing him to reflect on his life and what is important to him. If he gives up too easily, his antagonist in encouraging him to cultivate his innate strength, assertiveness and resilience. If he lacks the knowledge and skills for the career he wants, the unemployment antagonist is pushing him toward the education and training he needs to pursue his dreams.

Mirrors that Point the Way

Another way of looking at challenges is to view them as mirrors. Challenges generally arise from our own weaknesses, limitations or lack of skill—our inability to manage or handle a situation. Because challenges expose those weaknesses, they can serve as “emotional mirrors” that allow us to see ourselves and where we need to grow or change. By using challenges as guides for growth, we can assimilate and learn from them.

Writing in The Way of Transformation (2001), William Bridges offers another metaphor for seeing challenges as helpers rather than opponents:

…the best way to find meaning in an event or situation is to regard it as though the event or situation were a person who was trying to get your attention (p. 16).

Viewed in this way, the challenge is saying, “Hey, listen to me. If you can put aside your ego and open your mind, I can show you why you are struggling. I can suggest steps to help you resolve the problem.” The insight the challenge gives us can help us grow.

We Need to Listen

The key to hearing what the challenges we face in our journeys have to tell us is not to attack or resist the challenge. The key is to listen to the challenge. We need to hear what it tells us about ourselves and our weaknesses and limitations. And we need to use that knowledge to face and work through the emotional and psychological bonds that are holding us back.

When we do that, challenges cease to be adversaries and become helpers. As the Buddha said, “In whatever place we are stuck, whatever place that we fall prey to fear…that is the place to free our hearts.”

References

Bridges, W. (2001). The Way of Transition. Cambridge, MA: Perseus Publishing.

Chetanananda, S. (1995). Will I Be the Hero of My Own Life? Portland, Oregon: Rudra Press.

Schneiderman, K. (2015, August 3). Be the Hero of Your Story by Reframing Your Perspective through Writing. Santa Rosa, CA: New Dimensions Radio. Program No. 3553.  https://programs.newdimensions.org/products/be-the-hero-of-your-story-by-reframing-your-perspective-through-writing-with-kim-schneiderman.

Schneiderman, K. (2015b). Step Out of Your Story: Writing exercises to reframe and transform your life. Novato, CA: New World Library.